It was no secret that I wanted her sister.
At least in theory.
Brooke and I were in the constant state of in between that formed so many of my early romances, but for all practical purposes, we were dating. We hung out every day, we kissed in the back seat of the car, and we sat at the diner chain-smoking cigarettes until three in the morning.
And on occasion, we’d find an empty room, someone’s basement most likely, and we’d slide hands under shirts and into pants to touch and caress until one of us came. Most often it was me, covering her fingers and her hand before she let me go. Only once did she bring it to her lips and I watched as she tentatively tasted my mess before shaking her head and wiping the rest off on my jeans.
But her sister was another matter.
She was younger and pretty and so tall I had to look up to see those wandering green eyes. Beth was also quiet and shy and not at all the type of girl who would hook up with her big sister’s boyfriend.
Which only meant that I wanted her more.
The truth was, that if Beth caught me alone, leaned in for a kiss, and told me I could have her any way I liked, I would have been disappointed. Partially at her boldness, but also by my own morality which would have forced me to say no. It would have been a rejection that felt cruel and unnecessary after all those months of longing. After flirting and smiling, how could she possibly be turned away?
Thankfully, that was not how things worked out.
I was no more likely to sleep with Brooke Shields than I was my girlfriend’s sister, but that was part of what made it so perfect. She was a dream I could indulge in without fear of repercussions, and she drove me crazy with lust each time I walked into their house. I’d stumble over my words, and she’d laugh at me until her sister told us to cut it out.
But then one afternoon in August, Brooke told me she was ready.
After months of fingers and tongues, she was ready for something else, and I was right there with her. We laughed in the light of her bedroom, the sun painting her walls in a scattered splash of gold as we awkwardly undressed. For the first time I saw her freckled skin without the cover of shadow, and for the first time, she saw that which she had only touched in the dark.
We climbed naked onto her bed, and we tried to be serious as we kissed and touched like we always did, this time knowing it wouldn’t stop. But no matter how much we tried to get lost in passion, I didn’t get hard, and she didn’t know what to do.
For a while, I lay on my back as she took me into her mouth, and I begged and pleaded with my body to work. I’m fucking young and about to get laid and what the hell is wrong me with? Come on dick, why are you being such a jerk right now? Why now?
As I reached down and held her head steady, thrusting into her waiting mouth hoping a little force my do the trick, I saw it. Next to her bed on the windowsill was a picture from the summer before. She was standing on the dock by their lakehouse, and standing right next to her was her sister in an Alice blue bikini. Beth’s smile was big and silly, but the slopes of her breasts and the inviting curves of her thighs took me away. I had never seen her so close to naked, and I felt the blood begin to pump instantly.
Brooke looked up with a grin as she felt me grow harder with each second, and as much as I tried to watch her, I could focus on nothing but the photograph. As my beautiful, sweet, and kind girlfriend moved up over me until my hard cock was nestled into her soft patch of pubic hair, I looked up at her with new eyes. With the sun behind her, silhouetting her body, I pictured it all with sudden ease.
She handed me a condom, and I managed to tear it open and get it on while still staying hard, and then she leaned down and kissed me as she held me between her legs.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said, feeling her against me, the guilt stuck in my throat. “Are you sure?”
“Uh-huh,” she said, this time moaning instead of laughing. “I want sex.”
I pulled her to me, both hands on her ass and it was the simplest thing in the world. With just a slight shift in position, I was inside her, and we were fucking for the first time. She kissed my mouth as she sighed my name and it was like nothing we had done before.
Just moments later, I rolled her onto her back and then hovered above her, looking down as I pressed against her one more time. The guilt and the shame were familiar yet still startling. It took every bit of effort I had not to say the wrong name, and when we fucked again, I could think of nothing but Beth.
It was her tall boyish body beneath me and it was her full lips and small breasts. Her hair was long and soft as silk, and I fucked her harder and faster than I had any right to. She bit my lip and wrapped her legs around me, and I realized for the first time that Brooke probably wanted it more than I did.
Not me, definitely not me.
But the sex and the connection were something she had dreamed about for too long. Her vivid imagination had left her wanting sensation, and she was tired of putting it off for the lack of love or commitment. She screamed and she moaned as we fucked, and just as I started to come, the thought occurred to me that she might also be picturing someone else.
Someone older, or someone more in love. Maybe it was a teacher or another friend she never kissed, but the thought let me drop the last remnants of shame that I had in one final thrust.
Beth, I moaned soundlessly as I started to come, and I never went back.
And even now, years later, when I remember that sex, that afternoon, and that single time we fucked, her face is hidden behind a mask of mistaken desire. Even now, when I think back, all I can see if her sister’s shy smile as I came and I came, desperate as always for the one thing I couldn’t have.