The very first one stands out like a statue in a photo gallery. From start to finish, my heart beat a million miles an hour, and her face moved from surprise to elation and eventually exhaustion.
Was it my idea to invite another man into our lives one night a year? Did I concoct it as a gift to her out of love or my own desire? Looking back it, it most likely doesn’t matter because once we began, the tradition was as important as the fantasy. And to say it didn’t bring both of us joy would be foolish. Fear, doubt, and even jealousy? Of course, but isn’t that to be expected?
Thinking back it’s hard to imagine the beginning. It’s difficult to picture her hesitation and my lack of certainty. Most of all, it’s impossible to fully remember that pounding feeling of complete and utter exhilaration which only comes from the first time.
Dinner that night was the two of us at my apartment. If she was disappointed that I didn’t take her out on the town, she didn’t show it. And if she had any clue as to what I had in store, she’s never told me. No, I suspect that that first time was exactly what it was due to all of those factors and then some.
I made her a Manhattan before dinner and we sat on my fire escape looking out at the city. It was cool enough to be comfortable without us needing a blanket. In other words, it was a glorious fall evening when nothing mattered but two young lovers basking in the glow of one another’s company.
Drinks were followed by six oysters which I had diligently learned how to shuck the week prior. I opened a bottle of wine as we laughed and ate, and then it was a thinly sliced hanger steak with my grandmother’s au poivre sauce prepared as best as I could manage. Through the course of the night, she whispered words of love, sipped her wine, dangled her feet, and gazed at me with adoration.
The night my Louisa turned twenty-five, we opened the doors to something both delicious and new.
As we sat on the couch, our food digesting, her legs across mine, and the second bottle of wine opened and airing, there was a knock on the door. If she was disappointed by the interruption she said nothing, and when I opened it to reveal my old friend Thomas she neither acted surprised nor upset.
He was dressed beautifully, as he so often was in those days, and he entered with a bottle of scotch Louisa just happened to adore.
“I apologize for interrupting,” he said softy, his voice deep and warm. “I was nearby and I had this gift I keep forgetting to deliver.”
“Not at all,” I said, motioning him into the small apartment. “We just finished our dinner, please come join us.”
If Louisa was surprised that I poured him a glass of wine, sat him in the chair across from her, and then rather than return to her side, I stepped behind her, she was silent. A touch of her skin released a shiver and I wondered if she knew. Typically smarter than me, her instincts were good, and while we had only been dating for a year, she knew me well.
I brushed her hair to one side, revealing the slope of her neck and the hint of a bare shoulder. He leaned in closely, raised his glass, and said something beautiful which for the life of me, I can’t remember.
My adrenaline was pumping, my mind was clouded, and between the drink and the anticipation, how I could remember anything?
When my fingers pressed into her shoulders and then her neck, she touched my hand and sighed. When I kissed her cheek, one hand holding her arm in a gentle yet firm grasp, she looked him in the eye. When I returned to my standing position, she turned and looked at me, her eyes indicating our guest in a question which was too vast to answer. I smiled and nodded as Thomas moved next to her on the couch.
“Happy birthday,” I whispered in her ear before I moved to claim his seat.
It was not my intention for it to be silent. I had no thought towards forming a tradition that we would rarely break, and yet that is how it was. Each one of us was left with our own thoughts as the scene began to play out, and somewhere in that uncertainty was an erotic energy we have clung to ever since.
She looked at me and tilted her head. I nodded in his direction. He touched her leg and smiled. Without breaking my gaze, she parted her thighs, a question on her lips which I answered by leaning back and raising my glass.
They turned to face one another, and my darling Louisa touched his face. It was gentle and kind but it spoke of an intimacy to come. It spoke of a willingness for what might be.
Her touch was a yes and he responded in kind.
From where I sat, I watched as he undid the top button to her blouse, followed by the rest in slow deliberate steps. Still, without kissing, they leaned closer as one of his hands slid inside her silk top to cup her breast. When she brushed her hair back, exposing her long neck, she spared me another glance, this time filled with so much love I couldn’t look away.
When his mouth met her shoulder, kissing her gently as she raised her skirt, I held my breath. As they moved closer, his hand now on her exposed thigh while their lips hovered inches apart, I nearly burst from the chair in complete and utter adoration. Louisa parted her legs wider, his fingers grazed her skin, and then they kissed so slowly and beautifully I felt like an intruder.
If those early moments were slow and sweet, the rest of it was something else entirely. There was nothing of anger or fear, and Thomas was ever the gentleman, but the tension that grew through our combined silence mixed into a frenzy of desire which requires satisfaction. Louisa lost her blouse and her bra as he kissed her neck and her breasts, and when he pushed fingers inside her, she managed to remove him from his pants as he grew hard in her grasp.
Climbing onto his lap, my love kissed him again on the mouth before sliding down to the floor. Without thinking I was next to him, sitting the edge of the couch as she looked up with hungry eyes while she coaxed him expertly to full attention. Her mouth followed her hands quickly enough, and as I watched in open awe, she took him into her throat with impressive skill.
When he looked up, he too was amazed and eager. I touched her hair, he caressed her shoulder, and when she eventually came up for air it was with a smile on her face wider than the sun. Louisa licked her lips, kissed him again and then stood. Leaning in, she kissed me too, her fingers in my hair as she held me tightly; even without words, I could sense her gratitude mixed with her lust.
By the time she lost her skirt and what was beneath it, Thomas had a condom on.
In that moment of realization, the tension grew thicker. Kissing and toying was one thing, but in our silence, all three of us realized this was something else. I turned her to me, standing before them both as I gently touched her face, nodding at her uncertainty.
In her eyes there was hesitation, but there was also desire. More than anything, I saw a moment of fear that she might somehow hurt me, even though it had clearly been my doing. So I kissed her again, and then slowly helped her sink down onto his lap.
As I sat back on the chair, my cock now hard in my hand as I watched, my darling Louis guided him into her in one final act of completion. There was no going back as he took her hips in hand and she moved over him, letting him penetrate her more deeply with each thrust. She turned to kiss him, and her moans replaced the silence which had hung so thickly in the air.
I sunk lower so I could see their junction, part of me not believing it, and part of me so full of joy and love I wondered why it was just now happening. And when she waved me to her and brought me to her mouth just as she took him below, I was more in love than I knew possible.
Later, as I sat on the floor watching them, he took her on her back, one leg draped off the couch and the other raised practically to her chest as they fucked. Their strong young bodies made easy work of one another, and I realized that in sex there is music as much as anything else.
She reached out and took my hand when she began to come, and when she moaned her release into his ear, it was almost certain he would follow closely behind.
Her grip tightened as she looked into my eyes while her orgasm claimed her, and then he was arching his back. In a moment of uncertainty, he pulled back, tearing off the latex and then finishing on her stomach. She took his face in her hands and kissed him again before calling to me and granting me the same reward.
He laughed sheepishly as he looked at the mess he made, but while they had satisfied at least some of their cravings, mine were still crackling like lightning in August. I touched him gently but firmly, moving him out of the way as I crawled between her legs. She took me by the hair in one hand and my cock in the other before guiding me inside her.
It only took ten thrusts for me to come, and unlike our friend, I held myself deep within her, filling her as if it were our first time. She kissed me and laughed, and on the chair opposite of us, Thomas was pouring three glasses of scotch, his suit once more perfectly arranged. I held her tightly as she whispered thank you into my ear again and again.
It was the first thing she said since he arrived, and at exactly ten-forty-three, my darling Louisa turned twenty-five in singular fashion.
And that was how it all began.