“I don’t fuck my friends,” she said.

“If you’re not fucking your friends, then who the hell do you fuck? Come on. Do you fuck people you don’t like? What’s the point of that?”

I won’t say I was mansplaining, but I was feeling self-righteous. My friends are hot and friendly and if we didn’t fuck each other we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves.

And that old myth about how sex always ruins a friendship has been put to bed a thousand times without its supper. We can play and laugh and fuck all night long and still not be awkward in the morning because we’re adults.

We’re old enough to know that fucking your friends is, in fact, one of the twelve great joys in life.

“Do you really want to know?” she asked, climbing onto my lap. I smiled, but nodded; I was pretty damn sure I knew what she was going to say. She was normal, and that always came with the same answer.

“Sure,” I told her. “Enlighten me.”

“Last week, for example,” she said, letting her weight rest on me, “I fucked my dog walker. He came by to pick up the little guy, and I pulled him into my bed, took him into my mouth, and then slid his beautiful cock inside me all before breakfast. And now, for the next three months, the dear boy is going to walk my dog for free.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense,” I said, wondering if it did, in fact, make sense. She leaned in closer.

“A month ago, at my sister’s wedding, I fucked her new father-in-law during the reception.”

Her lips were against my ear and I found myself less sure than I had been moments before.

“He grabbed my ass while we danced, and when we stepped around back for a cigarette, he bent me over the limo, lifted my dress, and made me beg for it. I called him Daddy as he fucked me, and I came in under three minutes.”

“Jesus, that’s hot,” I said, feeling myself grow hard. I put my hands on her hips and felt her press into me, her thin cotton barely a barrier between us as her skirt flowed around me.

“And just two nights ago,” she whispered, her hand inside my shirt as she slid back and forth against my hard cock, “I fucked my roommate’s boyfriend while she slept in the next room.”

“I caught him during the night, walking naked to the kitchen, and I put a finger to his lips to keep him from talking. I knelt on the cold tile floor and he was hard in seconds. When I pulled him to the couch outside her room, he looked frantically about, but still, I sat on top of him–just like this–and I guided his beautiful cock inside of me as I covered his mouth with one hand. I fucked him for ten minutes, while she lay sleeping four feet away, and I came so goddamned hard I passed out.”

“So, you see,” she said, moving so quickly and with such clarity that I was close to coming, “I don’t fuck my friends. I don’t need to fuck my friends. I don’t want to fuck my friends. There are a thousand other people that turn me on far more.”

“Please,” I moaned as I slid my hands under her skirt and grabbed her ass with both hands. I pressed my lips against her neck and undid her shirt to her navel. I kissed between her breasts and lifted myself off the chair as I desperately rubbed against her.

I couldn’t remember the last time I wanted to fuck anyone as badly.

“Please what?” she moaned, pulling my hair as I bit her soft skin.

“Please tell me we’re not friends.”