Are you Fucking in There?

Photo by Guy New York

“Are you guys fucking in there?”

Shit.  The stall was locked, and the hotel bathroom was far from anything, but someone found us anyway.  How do you answer that question? Just an honest yes? Say nothing at all? Ask for a towel?

“Um, yeah,” my friend replied in a quiet voice. I held her there against the wall, my cock still inside her and her legs wrapped around my body.  The pause was too long to be comfortable.

“Can I come in?”

It was almost a whisper, and there was enough breath in it that I reached over and unlatched the door without thinking. We stared as she entered the stall, watching her lean against the black tile. She looked us up and down and her eyes were wide with excitement. When she lifted her skirt and slipped two fingers beneath the thin fabric covering her cunt I started to move again. My partner bit my neck, but I could tell what she was watching.

“Fuck her harder,” came the quiet moan from behind me.

My nails pressed into her ass when I pulled her to me, and she wrapped her arms around me. I lifted her up and dropped her back down onto my cock without pause, and I could hear soft moans from behind us. She whispered her direction over and over again, and I obeyed with more enthusiasm than skill.

Her moans grew louder as my thrusts grew quicker, and I could feel my body losing control. I wanted to turn and look, and I wanted to kneel at her perfect feet. I wanted to come and I wanted to watch. I wanted everything all at once.

“I’m coming,” slipped from two mouths at the same time, and the air in the room was sucked out in seconds. I struggled to stand as we fucked, but when I finally opened my eyes minutes later we were alone again. The door was closed but unlocked, and my date was limp in my arms.

“I couldn’t take my eyes off her cunt.”

“I couldn’t take my ears off her moans.”

“I wanted to keep her.”

I lifted her up and stood her in front of me as we adjusted our clothes and hair. I opened my mouth to say something smart but closed it before I let out a sound. We walked out into the dark bathroom and washed our hands in silence.

It took me minutes to see the lipstick writing on the mirror.  It was almost too delicate to be real, but there were ten numbers in a row followed by two words: thank you.


Dirty Prints, Pillows, and Shower Curtains

Finding Love in the Shower, an erotic short story on a shower curtain.

Yesterday I started playing around over at Society6, and I ended up making a few items with some of my more popular dirty stories on them. It’s a lovely site, and they produce really beautiful products, mostly by incredibly talented artists.

So, if you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Self, I’d like a shower curtain with a dirty story on it, or maybe a throw pillow with some hardcore smut to impress and show my dinner guests,” then now is your chance!

You can see all the products in my store, but here are a few of my favorites. 

A throw pillow with the text to the erotic short story, "I Didn't Bother With Her Dress" from Quickies in New York. A framed print of the erotic short story "Like Teenagers Who Don't Fuck" by Guy New York.

Quickies in New York: The Complete Stories!

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“If Henry Miller were alive today he’d be doing something like this. What I particularly love is that this is erotica that appeals to my mind and spirit as much as my blood and balls. The work is classy, gorgeous, and thoughtful.”
–Christopher Ryan, NYT Bestselling Author of Sex at Dawn 


“Quickies in New York is a delightful original content Tumblr… The blog is a real gem. Bravo!”
Violet Blue, Forbes Web Celeb,

 “New York keeps its name for the sexiest city in the world…”
–Playboy Espanol


It’s out! After a couple of long hard weeks, The Complete Quickies in New York is finally available as one giant, sexy, print book. It’s 814 pages long and weighs in at 2.2lbs, so make sure your back is in good shape before picking it up.

All the details are on the Amazon page, including my author note, so all I’ll say is I’m incredibly proud of the book. Blogging often feels like a pointless endeavor, so after seven years it’s incredibly gratifying to have all of my work in one place, printed on real paper, and available in two days.

You can buy it directly from Amazon here.

But I make a much higher royalty if you order it through Create Space.

As always, I’d really appreciate a review of the book if you have the time. They make all the difference.

Thanks again for all your love and support.


Writing Dino-Billionaire-Shapeshifting-Erotic-Romance-Vampire Novels

Chuck's Dino Tinglers

Chuck’s Dino Tinglers

Everyone wants to write the next big thing, but while it’s easy to get out the lube and just dive right in, coming up with creative stories can be tough. We can’t all be Chuck Tingle or Christie Sims, so the rest of us mortals have to try a little harder when it comes to writing the next great american porn novel.

Here are some suggestions and insights that might help:

  1. Dinosaurs, Vampires, and Republicans are all cold blooded: don’t forget to describe the way their cold skin feels against your warm tasty flesh.
  2. Amazon doesn’t allow underage characters, so make sure to clarify that every shapeshifting capybara in your books has at least graduated high school.
  3. Billionaires rarely had to work very hard to get where they are. So why would they work hard to get the girl? Remember, money is more important than charm. Or consent.
  4. Animal penises (imaginary and real) are all shaped differently. Try making a pinterest board before you start writing. Call it something like Noah’s Ark of Dicks.
  5. Chicks love romance, so make sure that when the werewolf biker gang finally captures your heroine they whisper sweet things in her ear during the group sex scene.
  6. Always write from experience. That lonely ancient water spirit isn’t going to fuck itself. And neither is its brother.
  7. Research is important to make a story feel real. If your book is about a lesbian soccer star falling in love with a teammate during the FIFA women’s world cup, try googling “two girls one cup” first.