Recently I began a new project where I write and share taboo stories for a small group of Patrons who pay a premium for the chance to read what I call “The Bad Ones.” It’s been a fun project, and since I enjoy writing about taboo sex, it’s come somewhat naturally.

But it’s got me thinking about sex and turn-ons and how our brain chemistry and sexual desires don’t always fit with our political perspectives. As I’ve said a hundred times before, our turn-ons are rarely politically correct.

At a recent book event down at Blue Stockings, the brilliant Charlotte Shane reminded the audience that you can’t make a guy eat your pussy for feminism. What she meant–I believe–was that sex acts for the sake of politics are rarely satisfying. If you’re only asking him to go downtown because you think it’s the feminist thing to do, you’re most likely not going to enjoy yourself.

In the realm of the taboo, there are a few topics which regularly sit atop the list. But while there is interest in all of them, a few stand out as being hugely popular contrary to our culture feelings around what we think should excite us. I’ll explore two.

Let’s start with incest.

If you meander over to Literotica, you’ll find that the “Incest/Taboo” category is one of the biggest. In fact, as of writing this, there are 45,673 stories there as opposed to a more “common” fetish such as “Anal Sex” which only has 5,236 stories in it. That’s a pretty big difference.

It’s also the one thing you’re not allowed to write about, and you’re not allowed to make movies about. Well, unless you’re Game of Thrones.

Even the word Incest is one of the very few blocked words on PornHub, in spite of the thousands of videos containing sex between step-siblings, which is an odd moral workaround when you think about it.

But Amazon, Apple, and Barnes & Noble won’t allow it, and most other story sites don’t either. So while Step-brothers was a big selling category in erotic books for a long time, the “Step” part is always front and center.

As a writer, it’s a complicated situation.

I can work around the ban by having characters role-play incest scenes, and on occasion, it will get past the censors. Part of me even feels good about it, because I’m given a chance to show excellent communication between partners who are playing with a kink which can be challenging! Look at how socially responsible I am?

But what happens if I write a story about a girl and her real dad? What if I write one about siblings who admit their love for one another and give in to temptation? What if a mother decides she wants to share her biological daughter with her boyfriend?

Suddenly I’m in deep water. These people aren’t pretending! They’re doing one of the most taboo sex acts in human history, and they’re most likely enjoying it. Which make me a horrible person, right?

My general philosophy is that fiction is fiction, and wrapping a story up within another story doesn’t do much to make it more ethical since it was already made-up to begin with. No matter the temptation to do so. After all, it’s pretty damn transparent when a writer attempts to sugar coat a story with a bit of tasty fluff to make it more palatable.

But even that doesn’t always make me comfortable writing and sharing it. It doesn’t solve my moral dilemma in which I consider the chance that I might inspire a reader to do something horrible, and it doesn’t remove the real risk I face of having my work banned, my accounts shut down, and my worth as a human being questioned.

So, let’s move on to rape.

When it comes to rape fantasies, we’ve colloquially and professionally wrapped them up in the term “Consensual Non-Consent” as a way to tame down something which probably shouldn’t be tamed down. Again, we’re in a situation where I frequently write about people role playing a popular game, but occasionally dip my toe into just writing it straight. There are plenty of readers after all, for whom the fantasy is just hotter if there’s no negotiation, no role play, and no touching aftercare to cover it in a shroud of moral integrity.

But is there a difference between a scene where a couple enacts out a rape scene in a work of fiction versus one where a person is sexually assaulted? They’re both fiction, but I know that the first one makes me feel better about myself as a person. It allows me to feel like I’m potentially doing the work of an educator rather than an exploitative entertainer.

Making yourself feel good, however, is rarely a good look on an author. No matter our politics, we prefer to read stories about flawed people, messy relationships, and above all the things that make us (and the writer) the most uncomfortable. And when we pull punches, our stories can often ring hollow.

The hard truth is that I like writing stories about incest and rape. And not just the ones where people are pretending. And if my fans are any indication, people enjoy reading them as well. None of that sits well with me, but I have to wonder if writing that sits well is especially worthwhile.

None of this is to say that I believe in only writing about humans doing terrible things to one another. Most often, I feel quite the opposite.

Oddly enough, when I write about incest, I have to resist the urge to make bad things happen for the sake of my insecurities. Part of me believes that I can morally get away with it if it’s clear to the reader that my characters have ruined their lives through their debased acts of perversion. Which, when you think about it, is a strange conundrum which speaks more about our cultural acceptance of violence than anything else.

So, I’m going to see how it goes, and I’m going to push myself to keep writing the uncomfortable things. And hopefully, somewhere in the mix of tangled limbs, pleading nos, and incestuous love I’ll write something that people care about even if it’s at the expense of their flickering moral compasses.

It’s a project that has so far been fun and a bit nerve-racking. I have over a dozen stories in there that all question my sense of morality, responsibility, and good old common decency.

But if there’s one thing I know about human sexuality, it’s this: we’re all drawn to things which we feel we shouldn’t be. There’s something in our DNA that lights up when our sexual desires are met with an obstacle, whether it be moral, political, or otherwise.

I’m going to take a deep breath and remember that I’m writing a story, not building a world. I’m offering a glimpse of terrible things which nonetheless turn many of us on. And I’m offering my readers a chance to explore them in the safety of their minds or skip over things they’d prefer not to engage with.

It’s messy, it’s fun, and it’s a bit terrifying. All of which feels like the right place to be.