Immoral Tales (1974) by Walerian Borowczyk (currently streaming on Netflix) is both horrible and delightful at the same time. Granted, I have a soft spot for slow French films with lots of gorgeous young women lounging about in white shifts doing each other’s hair, but if you expect a pleasant pastoral fantasy this is not that. Broken up into four short stories, they grow both more exciting and more horrible as the movie continues.

Screen Shot 2016-04-11 at 10.05.59 AMThe first story, The Tide is a fairly simple tale of two teenage cousins who take a walk on the beach and end up getting a little friendly with each other. Like all of the stories, the camera work is so male gazey that it was even difficult for me at times, and I often like that shit. The story is slow, with lots of lingering shots of our heroine’s breasts as her cousin directs her to undress for him. But there’s something gloriously filthy about their sex (in this case a blow job) as the waves come in and wash over them. It looks uncomfortable, dirty, and in some ways strangely real.

Screen Shot 2016-04-11 at 10.08.03 AMThe second story is just pervy without much else going–unless you’re really into Jesus, Catholic guilt, and girls getting off with cucumbers. The basic plot is a girl getting locked in her room, discovering dirty books, and getting herself off while feeling horrible about it. It’s pretty, and has a few hot moments.

Screen Shot 2016-04-11 at 10.10.13 AMAnd then we finally get the murderous lesbian love story we’ve all been waiting for. Erzsebet Bathory is the story of a countess who kidnaps a bunch of beautiful girls from a local village so she can play with them. I won’t ruin it because it has something of a story to it. It is also slow and has a whole lot of long shots of naked girls in the shower, each one prettier than the next. The near end is great, but the real end of the story is horribly cliche and does exactly what you don’t want it to do. But I suppose that was France in the 70’s.

Screen Shot 2016-04-09 at 11.52.55 PM

Finally we get the tale of the Borgia pope we’ve all been waiting for. He gets elected, dresses his daughter up in the pope’s clothes and together with a possible nephew, they double team her. It’s pretty classic, but hey, who doesn’t love some Catholic incest porn on occasion?

All is all, it’s a strange collection of slow stories, tons of nudity, and some actually twisted plot devices. It makes something like 50 Shades feel almost vanilla, while also managing to only be occasionally arousing. But if you like pretty young french women, slow filmmaking, and can handle that much male gaze in one film it can be enjoyable. It’s just twisted and fucked up enough to keep it interesting, and even in our culture of shock porn it’s an impressive tome. Consider it a guilty pleasure, but I found it entertaining, occasionally beautiful, and just gritty and disturbing enough to be hot.